Richard A. Johnson

I received one of those emails today from a friend, you know one of those “pass this on to 3 friends for good luck” deals? Well, this one was actually kind of funny, so instead of emailing 3 of you poor saps, I figured I would pass it on to millions of you These are actually pretty funny, and I know you will get a few chuckles from them, so enjoy!

• If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
• Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
• Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
• The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Totally groovy what I ran across today, a blog post from Deborah at the Free Software Foundation featuring your very own nixternal

I have been trying to do my best and get as many people as possible interested in Free Software. Every day someone asks me how they can get involved in Free Software and I always tell them coding, documenting, creating graphics, marketing, and more. The one thing I tend to get back from them is “I don’t know how to do any of that.” Well, there is another option, donating!

The FSF has very easy payment plans for everybody, including students who are on that Ramen noodle and Pabst Blue Ribbon budget.

So if you are in the mood to contribute, head on over and donate to the FSF and become an Associate Member today!

Oh, I don’t have anything against Tivo or DVRs, as I absolutely love them. However…

I live in Chicago if you haven’t guessed that by now. Does anyone know what is going on in the United States today that has to do with Chicago? NO! The Cubs didn’t win the Super Bowl

Obama day! Well, I sort of figured Chicago would have stayed home today to watch the events. NOPE! They all showed up to work, in their typical non-dedicated fashion of course. On the train in this morning I asked why people weren’t staying home to watch Obama, and they all said the same damn thing.

TIVO!

Argh! That isn’t the jist of it though. Now all of these people who have Tivo’d it and decided to make an appearance in their offices today, are going to be miserable. Why? Because they aren’t going to be able to surf the web because every website will have some sort of spoiler.

Another thing I heard on the train that I found interesting, and even heard it in Starbucks this morning is some people’s companies are shutting down Internet access during the events so they cannot watch it. Now that is hillarious. I wonder how many of Chicago’s finest will file lawsuits for this one :p

Anywho, just wanted to share my thoughts and hopefully provide a bit of laughter. Even though all of my friends will tell you I am not an Obama supporter, GO OBAMA! Ya Tristan, I said it, what are you going to do about it?

Have a great day everyone!

Wow, hats off to all of the amazing people out there who have contributed to the Free Software Foundation. As it stands, the FSF and the rest of us are almost half way there as I write this post. So if you are interested in becoming a member of the FSF, head on over and sign up now!. They have rates for all individuals and make it easy to contribute and become a member.

Backing up what Jorge blogged about earlier, Penguicon 7 is just a few months away. It would be great to register now and also book your hotel room if needed. I highly recommend that you get a hotel room where the event is taking place. If you don’t, then you have to travel every night which means no partying for you, in which the grooviest of groovy happens. So head on over, REGISTER and RESERVE. Myself, some of the Ubuntu Chicago folks, the Ubuntu Michigan folks, and other hackers from around the midwest will be there. If you have never been to a Penguicon and enjoy having fun, I suggest you get to one, preferably this one. I felt so out of place last year, but my god it was a blast, just ask Jono!

So, Netbooks. I am in the market for one and have been doing my research. I know this for sure, I need at least 10″ of screen, because the smaller the screen the smaller the keyboard. If any of you know me, I have a set of paws the size of most human heads Thus far, the best keyboard I have found is on the HP Netbooks. I have tried the Asus eeePC 10″ and it isn’t bad, but I don’t like it. The other’s, well they are horrid. I was hoping the Lenovo had a good keyboard, but after further inspection tonight, I am better off with my Blackberry. There just happens to be one downfall for the HP (Mini Mi which comes with Linux and no command line). There is no external VGA port, and I do a lot of work behind a projector. I know there are these USB to VGA converters which I think are great, however upon further review via the Intertubes, it seems these little devices are horrible. So, are there any of you out there with a HP Netbook and if so do you use one of these USB to VGA converters? Is there anyone using a USB to VGA converter and if so which one do you have and do you like it?

I plan on throwing Kubuntu on it, so if any of you out there are rocking Kubuntu or KDE 4 on a Netbook, I would like to hear your experience with doing so.

Since I live in the US, have big hands, and Netbooks are made for people with small hands, can I sue for discrimination? :p